WHY I QUIT GRADUATE SCHOOL AFTER ONLY 1 WEEK

I had been thinking of going back to school for about 6 months. I was excited, I told everyone I knew, I couldn’t wait to get started. I went to orientation, where I met the professors and my classmates and they were even better than I expected. The night before my first day of classes I was so nervous and excited that I couldn’t sleep.

I loved the school (Go Miners!), my classmates were awesome, many of the professors were doing research in areas I was really interested in, the classes were amazing, and the program was flawless. Also, I didn’t doubt my capability of thriving in graduate school, I love learning, I have the time, I have a great support system. So why did I decide to quit graduate school after only 1 week?

This is going to be hard to explain so bear with me.

I wish my answer made more sense or seemed more justifiable. Although I know my biggest lessons this last year came from owning up to my decisions without having to justify them to anyone. However, in my last decisions, at least my reasons were justifiable to me. I don’t have that luxury now.

My best way to explain it is this: it was a gut feeling.

Are you rolling your eyes at this? I don’t blame you. But let me explain. This gut feeling is a knot in my stomach. I feel anxious and worried for no specific reason. It’s a feeling that something is if off but I can’t explain it.

Also, it’s a familiar feeling.

I’ve had this feeling a few times in my life and most of the times I’ve ignored it. And every time I’ve ignored it, I’ve regretted it. And every time I’m full of regret I’ve sworn to never ignore that feeling again. But, guess what? I ignored it the next time it came around. The reason I ignored it is because it didn’t make sense!

Let me give you an example. Years ago my then partner wanted us to have a business together. Initially, I said no (gut feeling), but after a few months, he convinced me. After 6 months of doing research, we found a franchise that was just what we needed. It was a market where there was a lot of money, a business model where we could work mostly from home and where we could generate residual income. It was perfect. He invested a lot of money to buy that franchise, we got trained, and there was no reason why we wouldn’t succeed (except for that stupid gut feeling that wouldn’t go away).

After a year of trying to get the business off the ground, I was exhausted of working 12 hours a day, our relationship was strained and we had to close the business after 1 year. And all I could say was “I knew it!” A part of me knew this was a bad idea, but since everything looked good on paper I had no evidence. And I’m a girl that needs evidence.

Of course, I’m still trying to find a comforting explanation for my sake, and here are some of the ideas I’ve had. Maybe it’s because I felt super uncomfortable of the debt I would have in student loans after I graduated? Maybe it’s because I didn’t have a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my masters? Maybe it’s because going into graduate school was just an excuse to be busy so I didn’t have to deal with the huge transition that I’m going through? Maybe… but I don’t know for sure. But I do know that feeling is true, I listened to it and quit graduate school after 1 week.

My hope is to feel comfortable in uncertainty.

Of course, there’s a voice inside of me (the one conditioned by society) that says:

“Pff what a loser. You’re a quitter. If you don’t stick to things you’ll never be successful.”

But if I go a little deeper there’s a relief, there’s a trust in myself that I’ve never felt before, there’s surrender and there’s faith.

So no, I’m not a quitter; I’m a deliberate quitter.

I quit things that feel off, I quit things that don’t serve me; I quit things that make me feel a knot in my stomach, even if everything seems good on paper. I always want to give myself permision to change my mind.

Over to you: what is something that you want to quit but haven’t because of fear or because it makes no sense (it can be anything: a relationship, a habit, a business, a way of doing things, a job)? Do you also feel uncomfortable when dealing with uncertainty, or is it just me? Tell me in the comments!